Mental Preparations for Europe as the Last Preparations Are Set
In one week, my vacation in San Diego will draw to a close. The airplane ticket to London is purchased, the registration for housing is completed after that endless wait for visa is finally finished. Most importantly, that day of enrollment as a grad student, anxiously expected since my moment of acceptance back in March of this year, will finally come. As I continue to lounge around my home in San Diego, doing little besides writing this blog, I wonder, am I really ready for studying again?
It is a question that I thought about time and time again, under different circumstances, with different suppositions, and for different rationales. A part of me keeps on reminding myself of how difficult the upcoming year will be. After a year being outside of school, doing work that requires little critical thinking along the lines of regular schoolwork, I know that the massive amounts of reading and essay composition will give me endless headaches. The ability to concentrate on little details amid dry academic work, so built up over years of schooling, has been quickly wearing away during the past year.
And the same part of me also keeps on reminding myself that I am in London not simply for the reason of getting a master's degree. It is, after all, a beginning of a new chapter of my life, a new adventure in a new, unknown land. It is about meeting new people (one of whom may end up as my ideal partner in life), and realizing possibilities of new career and life paths. And of course, it is about continuing my world travels, visiting lands that I perhaps only have this year window in my entire lifetime to visit.
Too much work that I am no longer used to, plus too many distractions to lure away my limited ability to concentrate...knowing such difficult realities, I cannot but feel slightly afraid, afraid that perhaps I will not get passing grades, will not graduate on time, and most of all, afraid that I will come to regret the decision of applying to grad school and accepting a place there with little hesitance and concern for long-term consequences. "Am I doing the right thing?" I constantly self-reflect. Am I really?
Then I take a deep breath, pause, and look around. In my passport is that student visa I spent more than 800 US dollars to obtain, a 650-dollar one-way plane ticket to London Heathrow Airport, and confirmation for my place at the school dorm, for which I already paid more than 200 pounds in deposit. There is no turning back now. I already put in too much money and too much effort to let all of this go to waste. The determination I had back in Tokyo for myself to find something better than a good-for-nothing salary-man cannot be betrayed.
What lies ahead can only be left up to fate. If I have heard time with classes or even graduating on time, if I have hard time getting along with fellow students and professors, and/or if I have hard time finding that next big job after graduation, they are all plainly and justifiably meant to be. From my home in San Diego at September of 2011, I cannot control what will happen another year later, just as I had no idea that I will be in London less than a year later when I started work in Tokyo.
Of course, that is not to say that I can passively wait for events to unfold over the next twelve months. Job searches will be conducted, personal networking will be held, and school assignments will be diligently completed. All efforts must still be undertaken to ensure that I do not end up overspending or overconfident while I am in London. Plenty of opportunities, of all kinds and results, will pass by, but only if I put in the energy will the opportunities come into my embrace.
Reality will certainly be tough, but above all the toughness lies the said opportunities, enveloped by a shroud of cautious optimism. Fiercely individualistic and dissatisfied with the status quo, I must once again begin the journey that take me into the unknown. As I get ready to board the tiny little ship that will take me into the stormy sea, the mental readiness for seasickness and physical/mental pain must be present. The ship departs in a week; let us see how I change...
It is a question that I thought about time and time again, under different circumstances, with different suppositions, and for different rationales. A part of me keeps on reminding myself of how difficult the upcoming year will be. After a year being outside of school, doing work that requires little critical thinking along the lines of regular schoolwork, I know that the massive amounts of reading and essay composition will give me endless headaches. The ability to concentrate on little details amid dry academic work, so built up over years of schooling, has been quickly wearing away during the past year.
And the same part of me also keeps on reminding myself that I am in London not simply for the reason of getting a master's degree. It is, after all, a beginning of a new chapter of my life, a new adventure in a new, unknown land. It is about meeting new people (one of whom may end up as my ideal partner in life), and realizing possibilities of new career and life paths. And of course, it is about continuing my world travels, visiting lands that I perhaps only have this year window in my entire lifetime to visit.
Too much work that I am no longer used to, plus too many distractions to lure away my limited ability to concentrate...knowing such difficult realities, I cannot but feel slightly afraid, afraid that perhaps I will not get passing grades, will not graduate on time, and most of all, afraid that I will come to regret the decision of applying to grad school and accepting a place there with little hesitance and concern for long-term consequences. "Am I doing the right thing?" I constantly self-reflect. Am I really?
Then I take a deep breath, pause, and look around. In my passport is that student visa I spent more than 800 US dollars to obtain, a 650-dollar one-way plane ticket to London Heathrow Airport, and confirmation for my place at the school dorm, for which I already paid more than 200 pounds in deposit. There is no turning back now. I already put in too much money and too much effort to let all of this go to waste. The determination I had back in Tokyo for myself to find something better than a good-for-nothing salary-man cannot be betrayed.
What lies ahead can only be left up to fate. If I have heard time with classes or even graduating on time, if I have hard time getting along with fellow students and professors, and/or if I have hard time finding that next big job after graduation, they are all plainly and justifiably meant to be. From my home in San Diego at September of 2011, I cannot control what will happen another year later, just as I had no idea that I will be in London less than a year later when I started work in Tokyo.
Of course, that is not to say that I can passively wait for events to unfold over the next twelve months. Job searches will be conducted, personal networking will be held, and school assignments will be diligently completed. All efforts must still be undertaken to ensure that I do not end up overspending or overconfident while I am in London. Plenty of opportunities, of all kinds and results, will pass by, but only if I put in the energy will the opportunities come into my embrace.
Reality will certainly be tough, but above all the toughness lies the said opportunities, enveloped by a shroud of cautious optimism. Fiercely individualistic and dissatisfied with the status quo, I must once again begin the journey that take me into the unknown. As I get ready to board the tiny little ship that will take me into the stormy sea, the mental readiness for seasickness and physical/mental pain must be present. The ship departs in a week; let us see how I change...
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