"Social Etiquette" is Being Used as Excuse for Social Isolation
Watching my friend talking to random people in the electronic store as we shopped around for his new laptop, I was once again amazed just how one "out-of-the-line" guy can brighten up the entire place. In a society which talking to random strangers for no reason without being talked to is often frowned often (behind their back) as "inappropriate" and "weird," one guy's action can make all of us rethink just how "appropriate" such unwritten social rules really are. And certain enough, these unwritten rules have become too deeply rooted in our psyche.
For instance, whenever people learn new languages, they always start with greetings. "How are you?" "Where do you come from?" "What do you do for living?" and other inquisitive phrases often top the list of useful phrases to master in the beginning of any formal language instruction. It is as if, in any language, asking about other people's backgrounds is standard practice for beginning a conversation with a stranger. Most people certainly has no problem with such an assumption. Learning a new language is most often about meeting new people in new places, and it just makes sense for all that to start with a little exchange of personal information.
But then, as a person continue to learn the new language, he or she is in for a surprise. There is little follow-up on the basic greetings taught in the very beginning. Instead, the textbooks diverge onto what are needed for survival, emphasizing terms that one will directly encounter in everyday living. The only remaining inquisitive phrases seem to be ones asking for help from others on everything from finding the bathroom to opening up a bank account. The warmness of initial introductions are quickly replaced with practicality of getting needed things done.
Such "common logic" used in chronological organization of language learning can say much about how people interact with their surrounding society. All conversations with strangers will of course have to start with gaining of mutual trust through sharing of information, but the process to do so appears to be highly superficial. The "small talks," so to speak, are usually done simply for the sake of ridding the awkwardness of meeting for the first time, after which practical needs on both sides tend to immediately take over.
It seems that the "social etiquette," applicable to all languages, states that it is perfectly appropriate for people to start communicating to others for the pure purpose of exchanging certain benefits right after getting basic understanding of each other through a "crash course" on background information. And if there is little benefits the two can exchange, then, well, there is little reason for the two to continue talking to each other, even just for further acquainting for fun.
People are social animals with certain biological and psychological need for social communication. We entertain ourselves through interacting with others. There is that distinct human need for gossiping and chatting randomly. However, as technology advances, people no longer have to meet new people in new places to fulfill that need. With the advent of technology in the form of first mobile phone, then Internet messaging, and now SNS, people can connect at any-time with their existing friends on the other side of the world.
So, with the pure fun of talking to new people taken away as a benefit, meeting new people is becoming more and more straightforward matter of practicality. The emotional aspect of interaction become a matter of pure formality, and people are increasingly finding themselves second-guessing others' true intentions when they proclaim that they "would like to know you better." Meeting new people, not to mention tiring, can even potentially turn out to be dangerous, as people take up the attitude that one's new "friend" today can easily the victimizer tomorrow.
The result is a populace generally much more distrusting of others and much lonelier compared to past generations. The prevalent "social etiquette" has evolved to guarantee a sense of distance between two briefly met individuals, to such an extent that one cannot find the correct method from the "book" to get more intimate with someone they are sure they can trust. Social rules are making people less and less able to verbal expression their true feelings, and in turn, people adhering those rules are becoming more and more isolated...
For instance, whenever people learn new languages, they always start with greetings. "How are you?" "Where do you come from?" "What do you do for living?" and other inquisitive phrases often top the list of useful phrases to master in the beginning of any formal language instruction. It is as if, in any language, asking about other people's backgrounds is standard practice for beginning a conversation with a stranger. Most people certainly has no problem with such an assumption. Learning a new language is most often about meeting new people in new places, and it just makes sense for all that to start with a little exchange of personal information.
But then, as a person continue to learn the new language, he or she is in for a surprise. There is little follow-up on the basic greetings taught in the very beginning. Instead, the textbooks diverge onto what are needed for survival, emphasizing terms that one will directly encounter in everyday living. The only remaining inquisitive phrases seem to be ones asking for help from others on everything from finding the bathroom to opening up a bank account. The warmness of initial introductions are quickly replaced with practicality of getting needed things done.
Such "common logic" used in chronological organization of language learning can say much about how people interact with their surrounding society. All conversations with strangers will of course have to start with gaining of mutual trust through sharing of information, but the process to do so appears to be highly superficial. The "small talks," so to speak, are usually done simply for the sake of ridding the awkwardness of meeting for the first time, after which practical needs on both sides tend to immediately take over.
It seems that the "social etiquette," applicable to all languages, states that it is perfectly appropriate for people to start communicating to others for the pure purpose of exchanging certain benefits right after getting basic understanding of each other through a "crash course" on background information. And if there is little benefits the two can exchange, then, well, there is little reason for the two to continue talking to each other, even just for further acquainting for fun.
People are social animals with certain biological and psychological need for social communication. We entertain ourselves through interacting with others. There is that distinct human need for gossiping and chatting randomly. However, as technology advances, people no longer have to meet new people in new places to fulfill that need. With the advent of technology in the form of first mobile phone, then Internet messaging, and now SNS, people can connect at any-time with their existing friends on the other side of the world.
So, with the pure fun of talking to new people taken away as a benefit, meeting new people is becoming more and more straightforward matter of practicality. The emotional aspect of interaction become a matter of pure formality, and people are increasingly finding themselves second-guessing others' true intentions when they proclaim that they "would like to know you better." Meeting new people, not to mention tiring, can even potentially turn out to be dangerous, as people take up the attitude that one's new "friend" today can easily the victimizer tomorrow.
The result is a populace generally much more distrusting of others and much lonelier compared to past generations. The prevalent "social etiquette" has evolved to guarantee a sense of distance between two briefly met individuals, to such an extent that one cannot find the correct method from the "book" to get more intimate with someone they are sure they can trust. Social rules are making people less and less able to verbal expression their true feelings, and in turn, people adhering those rules are becoming more and more isolated...
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