The Difficulty of Japanese People to Get outside Their Normal Social Circle

As mentioned in the previous post, Tokyo is full of social events that help foreigners meet Japanese people and simultaneously allow many Japanese people to learn about foreign cultures and meet foreigners. Many Japanese people take advantage of these events to get an idea of how English speakers speak and think, so that they can improve their language and international communications skills for the purpose of work and just personal interest.

But for every Japanese person who manages to make it out to these foreigners-filled social events, there are many other Japanese people who are unwilling or unable to show their faces to these events, despite equally strong desires to learn English and know more about other cultures. Many of these people are simply not confident enough to speak to foreigners directly, fearing embarrassing moments of incomprehension, gaffes that shame them in front of other nationalities.

Hence, while many social events conducted in English are equally populated by foreigners and Japanese, there are also many other English language events that are deliberately advertised only toward Japanese people, often luring them with the opportunity to learn from native speaking English teachers for a cheap price and plenty of opportunity to practice what were learned with other Japanese people of similar English levels.

But, as with many other social events, people rarely attend English events simply for the sake of learning English. Just as foreigners look to befriend Japanese people in English social events, even in English events where only Japanese people attend, people attend for the sake of meeting new people. Even if foreigners are not present, the idea that one can meet others with similar interests in English and international culture is enough to draw large crowds of attendees.

Of course, given these Japanese only events are nominally formal English study sessions, those who go to meet people will have to do so much more discreetly and indirectly than one would be able to do in a international social event. For instance, in one event the author recently attended, the main event is a lecture on common English idioms used. But after nearly three hours of lecturing and practicing in small groups, some of the attendees ended up in a group drinking party at a nearby restaurant.

The drinking party has literally nothing to do with the previous three hours of English study. In fact, there is not much English used at all. Attendees simply go around, toast to nothing in particular and continue drinking, no different from any other drinking party common to many Japanese companies and groups of friends. The only difference is that the party this time involves more than hundred of complete strangers, met for the first time in an English study lecture.

Asking others why people stay on for the drinking party after the lecture, the author was told that for many of the attendees, the after party is just as much of why they attend the English study as the lectures themselves. With hundreds of young people in attendance, the party was essentially a place for people to mingle, looking for friendships, business partnerships, or romance. For many people there, the once a week drinking party is a regular part of their weekend personal time, an unmissable routine.

Many of the attendees, when asked, speak of the sheer difficulty in meeting people outside their normal social circles. Coworkers and friends from school are great, but after years of interactions on a regular basis, they no longer provide the kind of new stimulus a person needs for feeling excitement in daily life. Anywhere where that pattern of dealing with the same people day in and day out is embraced with open arms. The drinking party after the English study event is one such opportunity.

The rather unusual reliance on an after party of an English study party speaks volumes about the dearth of venues for which grown adults can meet new people here in Japan. While meeting new people as a n adult is difficult anywhere in the world, it is particularly difficult here simply because people are often so tied, in terms of investments in emotions, time, and energy, to existing interpersonal relationships through school, work, and upbringing. To aggressively go out and make new friends often means sacrifices to those existing relationships.

In the collectivist society that Japan is, to sacrifice social relationships can be a taboo of sorts. As such, rather discreet ways of meeting new people, like the after party of an English study event, can become so popular and essential to many people's social life. Of course, the fact that people can use such events to meet people is absolutely a great thing, but if there are more normal venues where people can regularly go without feeling guilty about other relationships would be much better. Culture needs to change quite a bit for such reality to occur.