At What Point Does One Become Too Old for Birthday Celebrations?
The optimist will righteously cry out "never!" but the reality is, birthday celebration for a grown adult just do not have the magic feel that a 5-year-old would feel for his or hers. The kid, looking forward to the imaginary greatness of adulthood, cannot wait for celebration of being one year closer to that goal. But during past years of rather low-key birthday celebrations, the author never failed to wonder whether that purportedly "goal" was achieved, and by extension, whether it was worth getting excited about in the first place in his earlier years.
While "looking forward" may be too much of an optimistic word, for someone who just turned 28, there is a whole new set of things that beginning of a new year brings. None of these sound particularly attractive to someone who prefer to spend birthdays traveling in distant unknown places. One more year now means another year of disappointment for parents who wants to meet a daughter-in-law (and even a grandchild). It means more pressure to come up with more stable, career-tracked jobs with lifelong interest that mature adults are supposed to have.
And most of all, another year means more urgency to (and refocus on) become the person that one imagined one would become, straight out of lofty imaginations during the birthday party of the 5-year-old self. As one got older, one increasingly solidify those empty "goals" into concrete action items. And as one becomes clearer about who one will become as an adult, one is supposed to work toward completing all the tasks necessary to become that person. And as one gets older, everyone else expects one to become more and more capable of checking off more items on the actions list.
With that in mind, it becomes all the more frustrating to realize that most of those action items are still not anywhere near completed. It is at that point one realizes that, despite all the achievements and accomplishments that one had over the past years, the core issue is still there. All the efforts have not brought one close (enough) to what one views as the ideal self. It is sad, and it is the reason may be one is running away from the idea of celebrating one's birthday. Time is running out on becoming the ideal self, and one really needs no more celebratory reminder of that fact, in any shape or form.
So at what age does that feeling of "non-accomplishment in old age" sets in? The author has the instinct that for him, at least, that age has already arrived. After birthdays spent traveling around the world in all ways and manners, he has accumulated worldly knowledge to the extent that the very concept of accumulating more worldly knowledge is starting grow tiresome in some ways. But traveling being a lifelong pursuit, it is also hard to give up, considering there has been no cultivation of other interests in the meantime. Whether he likes or not, he molded himself in ways that he can no longer undo.
Not even the family really cares anymore. Since the last birthday meal with family a full five years ago, family celebration has dwindled down to a one-sentence "happy birthday" email. The perfunctory nature of the brief message also signals that they, too, no longer consider birthdays of someone this age worthy of elaborate emphasis. Instead, they are now treating it no different from their own birthdays: just another day at work (which the author indeed did have) with an additional side note. If someone remembers, mention it, but otherwise, just let it slip.
Perhaps the only person who will forever cherish one's birthday, in an elaborate manner, would be one's childhood friends, significant others, and (if they know) subordinates. But in each of these cases, the celebration is not about the birthday person's another potentially great year, but social relationships. Birthday celebration becomes an occasion for expression of camaraderie, of renewed vows, and of (deviously) attention that might lead to future career advances. People celebrate for the birthday person not because of that person per se, but about their own relationship with that person.
If birthday celebration becomes such a thing, then the author, for one, would not like to partake in it, for his own or for others. It is a sign that the birthday person is not being valued for who s/he is, but for what s/he is as a useful member of society. It only adds pressure for the birthday person to "grow up" and draw more attention to personal insecurities about not being mature enough. Such added anxieties will not at all help the person come to terms with his/her own age and conditions at that age in graceful and content way. Not having the celebration then, is definitely better than having it.
While "looking forward" may be too much of an optimistic word, for someone who just turned 28, there is a whole new set of things that beginning of a new year brings. None of these sound particularly attractive to someone who prefer to spend birthdays traveling in distant unknown places. One more year now means another year of disappointment for parents who wants to meet a daughter-in-law (and even a grandchild). It means more pressure to come up with more stable, career-tracked jobs with lifelong interest that mature adults are supposed to have.
And most of all, another year means more urgency to (and refocus on) become the person that one imagined one would become, straight out of lofty imaginations during the birthday party of the 5-year-old self. As one got older, one increasingly solidify those empty "goals" into concrete action items. And as one becomes clearer about who one will become as an adult, one is supposed to work toward completing all the tasks necessary to become that person. And as one gets older, everyone else expects one to become more and more capable of checking off more items on the actions list.
With that in mind, it becomes all the more frustrating to realize that most of those action items are still not anywhere near completed. It is at that point one realizes that, despite all the achievements and accomplishments that one had over the past years, the core issue is still there. All the efforts have not brought one close (enough) to what one views as the ideal self. It is sad, and it is the reason may be one is running away from the idea of celebrating one's birthday. Time is running out on becoming the ideal self, and one really needs no more celebratory reminder of that fact, in any shape or form.
So at what age does that feeling of "non-accomplishment in old age" sets in? The author has the instinct that for him, at least, that age has already arrived. After birthdays spent traveling around the world in all ways and manners, he has accumulated worldly knowledge to the extent that the very concept of accumulating more worldly knowledge is starting grow tiresome in some ways. But traveling being a lifelong pursuit, it is also hard to give up, considering there has been no cultivation of other interests in the meantime. Whether he likes or not, he molded himself in ways that he can no longer undo.
Not even the family really cares anymore. Since the last birthday meal with family a full five years ago, family celebration has dwindled down to a one-sentence "happy birthday" email. The perfunctory nature of the brief message also signals that they, too, no longer consider birthdays of someone this age worthy of elaborate emphasis. Instead, they are now treating it no different from their own birthdays: just another day at work (which the author indeed did have) with an additional side note. If someone remembers, mention it, but otherwise, just let it slip.
Perhaps the only person who will forever cherish one's birthday, in an elaborate manner, would be one's childhood friends, significant others, and (if they know) subordinates. But in each of these cases, the celebration is not about the birthday person's another potentially great year, but social relationships. Birthday celebration becomes an occasion for expression of camaraderie, of renewed vows, and of (deviously) attention that might lead to future career advances. People celebrate for the birthday person not because of that person per se, but about their own relationship with that person.
If birthday celebration becomes such a thing, then the author, for one, would not like to partake in it, for his own or for others. It is a sign that the birthday person is not being valued for who s/he is, but for what s/he is as a useful member of society. It only adds pressure for the birthday person to "grow up" and draw more attention to personal insecurities about not being mature enough. Such added anxieties will not at all help the person come to terms with his/her own age and conditions at that age in graceful and content way. Not having the celebration then, is definitely better than having it.
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