A Survey on Race and Dating, International Edition
Another Valentine's Day of being single, the author found himself with a group (over 150 in number, to be exact) of like-minded individuals willing to spend their romantic nights meeting up with random strangers on a rooftop bar. Predominantly short-term residential expats with loved ones far far away on other countries and continents, the group quickly went from serious topics of working in KL to discussing a more Valentine's Day-appropriate topic of multiracial, international dating, in the context of residing in a completely foreign country with foreign dating cultures.
Among the whites in the crowd, there were the usual running commentaries on the need to be discerning with targets in Asia. The stories of girls latching onto Caucasian friends with promises of money and citizenship still seem to be highly prevalent in places like Thailand and Philippines. The conversation honed in a particular white guy who found an older girlfriend from a supposedly elite Thai family, one who is willing to pay for all his outings and even regular expenses. Everyone, expectedly, expressed outright envy at the rare existence of such arrangement.
Over on the other side of the floor, a group of Asians consisting of both locals and expats, were quickly heading into the usual territories of interracial Asian mixing. The Asian expats chipped in how local Asian girls/guys were easy to get, as their shyness about even infrequently meeting new people outside their immediate local friends circle make them highly receptive about the "unique" experience of conversing with Asians from other countries. But it seems that many also agree that Western-style "openness" in personality is a prerequisite for anyone worthy of consideration.
Girls in general were more picky about the simple racial attribute, however. The Chinese in the crowd (the author included) had to admit that that it is much rarer to see Korean/Japanese girls to date Chinese guys long-term, especially since the Japanese and the Koreans don't mix well with other Asians. And as typical as Asian girl's talk gets, the conversation then quickly degenerates into the racist territory of "I am open-minded about dating anyone...just not someone who is dark-skinned." It seems "superficiality in romance" has not yet changed 15 years into the new millennium.
The night did see many "mission accomplished"though, many of which one would not expect given the words people are so free to utter about their personal preferences. For instance, observed at the exit was Chinese guy-German girl pairing, a rarity in itself, as well as black girls leaving with people of other races in tow. They can whatever they want about dating, but as far as one-night-stands are concerned, people who are willing to spend Valentine's Day with a bunch of strangers have proven themselves to be an exceptionally adventurous bunch.
Ultimately, though, what was most interesting about the whole experience of speaking about romantic relationships with this bunch of strangers is that, amid all the casual jokes about interracial dating and entertaining anecdotes about previous experiences, people generally takes the topic very seriously and are quite sensitive about how others perceive their attitude toward dating internationally. The author found it surprisingly easy to offend some guys (especially the white ones) on not even so over-the-top jokes on jealousy and looseness with non-whites.
After all, as an outing for white-collar professionals who are no longer at "entry-level" stage of their respective careers, those attending are definitely not a young and wild crowd who are good with trying anything. Sure, they might feel lonely for Valentine's Day and loosen up a little bit, but at the end of the day, what they would consider a "casual" relationship is no longer the same casual in the eyes of an average new college graduate drunkenly seeking all sorts of new experiences abroad. They don't mind foreign dating, but they do mind those who are not in it for the long-haul.
It is just that their faith toward serious long-term dating might have been a little bit misplaced on a night out at a balcony bar. Sure, sentiments will be shared about the ease of finding someone or the difficulty of finding someone amazingly compatible, but honestly, to expect such person to come along in a foreign country where everyone is only there for the short-haul is really far-fetched. So as the balcony closes up for the night and the laughter fades away, a lonely Valentine's Day for many will be just that, another Valentine's Day that is, well ,good to be a single.
Among the whites in the crowd, there were the usual running commentaries on the need to be discerning with targets in Asia. The stories of girls latching onto Caucasian friends with promises of money and citizenship still seem to be highly prevalent in places like Thailand and Philippines. The conversation honed in a particular white guy who found an older girlfriend from a supposedly elite Thai family, one who is willing to pay for all his outings and even regular expenses. Everyone, expectedly, expressed outright envy at the rare existence of such arrangement.
Over on the other side of the floor, a group of Asians consisting of both locals and expats, were quickly heading into the usual territories of interracial Asian mixing. The Asian expats chipped in how local Asian girls/guys were easy to get, as their shyness about even infrequently meeting new people outside their immediate local friends circle make them highly receptive about the "unique" experience of conversing with Asians from other countries. But it seems that many also agree that Western-style "openness" in personality is a prerequisite for anyone worthy of consideration.
Girls in general were more picky about the simple racial attribute, however. The Chinese in the crowd (the author included) had to admit that that it is much rarer to see Korean/Japanese girls to date Chinese guys long-term, especially since the Japanese and the Koreans don't mix well with other Asians. And as typical as Asian girl's talk gets, the conversation then quickly degenerates into the racist territory of "I am open-minded about dating anyone...just not someone who is dark-skinned." It seems "superficiality in romance" has not yet changed 15 years into the new millennium.
The night did see many "mission accomplished"though, many of which one would not expect given the words people are so free to utter about their personal preferences. For instance, observed at the exit was Chinese guy-German girl pairing, a rarity in itself, as well as black girls leaving with people of other races in tow. They can whatever they want about dating, but as far as one-night-stands are concerned, people who are willing to spend Valentine's Day with a bunch of strangers have proven themselves to be an exceptionally adventurous bunch.
Ultimately, though, what was most interesting about the whole experience of speaking about romantic relationships with this bunch of strangers is that, amid all the casual jokes about interracial dating and entertaining anecdotes about previous experiences, people generally takes the topic very seriously and are quite sensitive about how others perceive their attitude toward dating internationally. The author found it surprisingly easy to offend some guys (especially the white ones) on not even so over-the-top jokes on jealousy and looseness with non-whites.
After all, as an outing for white-collar professionals who are no longer at "entry-level" stage of their respective careers, those attending are definitely not a young and wild crowd who are good with trying anything. Sure, they might feel lonely for Valentine's Day and loosen up a little bit, but at the end of the day, what they would consider a "casual" relationship is no longer the same casual in the eyes of an average new college graduate drunkenly seeking all sorts of new experiences abroad. They don't mind foreign dating, but they do mind those who are not in it for the long-haul.
It is just that their faith toward serious long-term dating might have been a little bit misplaced on a night out at a balcony bar. Sure, sentiments will be shared about the ease of finding someone or the difficulty of finding someone amazingly compatible, but honestly, to expect such person to come along in a foreign country where everyone is only there for the short-haul is really far-fetched. So as the balcony closes up for the night and the laughter fades away, a lonely Valentine's Day for many will be just that, another Valentine's Day that is, well ,good to be a single.
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