Smile, Girl! You are Actually Really Cute!
can't go anywhere. I can't stay in hotels, go to bars and Internet
cafes, buy long-distance bus tickets, you name it...basically I am
confined mostly to the house, without much to do... Talking about that
with a friend on MSN last night, I was told that I should go chat up
girls in music bars and/or online. Of course, I disagreed. For the
music bar, girls go with friends (making approaches difficult) or go
to hit up foreigners (hate to keep coming back to this topic, but its
true), and plus, when the music is so loud, meeting people is really a
stretch...and as for online, well, who knows what kind of people are
actually there...and how can I even trust anyone on there to say they
are really who they are?
OK, OK, I could just be making excuses to not do anything cuz I don't
like to go to particularly crowded places by myself (now, if I
actually looked like a foreigner, that might not be the case...seen
plenty of fat foreigners getting girls at clubs in Korea, sure the
hell give them a lot of confidence) but probably more importantly, I
won't be here long enough to develop anything, and most of all, I
prefer not dating Chinese girls (at least those in China)...hating on
your own people is not good, of course, but there are two reasons: (1)
Being a developing country where some people just got rich and others
want to emulate, most girls here are going for the foreigner for
money, for American passport, and for learning English. For any such
reason, the relationship will not last.
Well, what if I can go around hitting on girls here without being
discovered that I am Chinese-American? Ignoring the fact that social
norms ere makes meeting strangers difficult in public places of any
sort for normal people, and that being known as American would
increase my chances of getting anything by a hundredfold, I still
would confess that I am not attracted to Chinese girls beyond purely
superficial level. Let it be no doubt that this country has a lot of
good-looking girls (it has a huge population, after all) and with
newly found wealth and openness to foreign influences, the girls are
getting even prettier as they learn to be fashionable dressers.
But some things have not changed. As many foreigners would say, China
is a country where the sense of unity outside of family and close
friends is practically nil. And unlike the Americans who are also so
individualistic, people here are resistant to be open and accepting of
strangers (even at superficial level) unless introduced by friends or
family. Such a mentality explains why karaoke is so much more popular
as release of energy than bars or clubs, where privacy of friends
hanging out can easily be interrupted by strangers. And if happened to
be in public spots like bars or clubs or even on the street or in some
random park somewhere, people will deliberately and ostentatiously
reject the friendliness of strangers with a display of disgust or
displeasure.
That, probably, is what makes meeting strangers so difficult here in
China. Similar cultures means similar mentality in Korea or Japan,
but over there, people at least hide those sense of disgust and
replies politely with smiles. The smile gives the stranger further
opportunity to impress the girl even though he knows the girl is not
interested in the beginning. While here in China, the girls would
simply ignore the strangers and leave immediately, giving the
strangers no chance at continuing. A smile and a bit of patience can
really go a long way in meeting people of the opposite sex.
And you wonder why meeting people online can be so prevalent out here.
It is simply because meeting people in real life is practically
socially impossible. You need the online chat to avoid that initial
sense of disgust and to break the ice, allowing a low-cost,
low-initiative, and definitely easily changed/terminated way for
giving the lonely hearts a bit of solace. Unfortunately, the online
chatting system has become so much a tool for human traffickers and
potential rapists, not to mention the disappointments when meeting
physically, that it is really dangerous to even think about taking the
online relationship offline...
People generally seem a lot prettier and more sociable when they
smile. But when such biological advantage is not used, people need to
resort to convoluted ways such as online chatting. And it is for that
lack of smile that I cannot be attracted to Chinese girls for the
long-term. It is a display of deficiency in character, particularly
showing arrogance while hiding insecurity. True confidence cannot be
built up just by looking pretty and dressing stylishly. And faking
initiative and joy in front of foreigners is just purely disgusting
and self-degrading.
True self-confidence is not one shown to specific people that can give
you benefits but to every stranger. A healthy "harmonious" society
requires its citizens to display enthusiasm for one another, not just
for love or romance, but simply because we all share the society that
we live in. As I said before, treating others in a way that we want
to be treated is the only way for a society of respect to emerge. The
cold shoulders that is so prevalent today can only be exterminated if
people understand it as a social evil to be avoided by all means...
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