How Experience Can Create Confidence in a Social Setting
Given the frequency of how many social events for complete strangers are held in Tokyo, it is often interesting to see why many people choose not to participate in any of them. Some are rather understandable, like the fact that many people (especially among foreign students) are unwilling to shell out money for socializing when they are in financially dire straits to begin with. Others are just pathologically introverted, mentally unfit for for putting themselves in front of large groups of people for the sake of just getting to know people in fleeting ways. The anxiety of such experiences, for them, is traumatizing.
But what is more interesting is however, that even the most extroverted people out there, with some financial health and decent amount of free time, seem to avoid such events. The most common reason overheard is just how unproductive they feel the events can be. The idea of deliberately expending energy to "get to know people on a deeper level," to them, just feel unaccomplishable in such a setting, given just how superficial and brief each conversation can be. Even if interesting people are around, the low quality of interactions means meeting them once often do not lead much more more than just that.
Such attitude, doubting the productiveness of meeting strangers, often is a self-fulfilling prophecy. People go into social events expecting conversations to be mundane, and hence do not put much energy into being creative with the conversations. When a critical mass among the participants display their lack of enthusiasm, the conversations will no doubt by lackluster in general. People simply ask the routine questions of names, jobs, and hometowns, before acknowledging the presence of each other and move on. Repeated dozens of times throughout a night and no wonder people feel such occasions are unproductive.
But the fact of the matter is that everyone in any social event is bound to have some interesting stories to tell, even stemming from their names, jobs, and hometowns. For travelers, foreigners talking about their hometowns can open up conversations on where are they best sights and foods of the area, region, or country. And for business networkers, talking about jobs can be greatly supplemented by details on the conditions of the workplace, the nature of the industry, and even attitude toward bosses. The success of the conversations rely on following up well to even the most mundane of the topics.
Here, having plenty of experiences, both in terms of holding conversations and in life helps much. To have traveled to different lands and held different jobs mean that no matter what the topic of conversation end up becoming, one can always fall back a set of knowledge based on personal experiences. If meeting a person from another country, having been or lived in that country is a great way to quickly build camaraderie when there seem to be nothing shared in common. The pains of a particular job another person speaks of just seem so much more realistic when one also experienced similar situations in a related industry.
And then one will be able to rely on experiences in holding conversations with strangers to make those life experiences count. By holding conversations with hundreds of people (whether the conversations turn out to be great or not so great), one gradually learn to keep the conversations going strong, not for the sake of persistence but genuine interests of everyone involved. Those who are experienced at talking know when to make jokes, what to talk about, and when to shut up or follow up, just so that everyone can learn something naturally all the while being entertained but not offended.
The truth is, in any social event involving complete strangers, it is generally the people with superior life and social experiences that end up being the most productive. The events, for them, become highly productive for them in their being able to continue honing their skills at talking, while they are much more capable of creating high quality conversations that enable them to gain more knowledge and/or business connections in the process. They create a virtuous cycle in which more attendance give them more motivation to attend more events, engaging them with more people for their own benefits.
Perhaps the author's personal experience in social events in Tokyo can be illustrative. Some six years ago when he lived in Tokyo as a salaryman, he was straight out of school in a small town and had little social experience outside the first job. There simply was little to speak about in conversations with strangers. But six years later, after working in six or seven other countries and traveling to dozens, there are just plenty of materials to interest even the least enthusiastic of bystanders. Gaining life experiences can directly create social confidence in ways that one may not even realize until being thrusted into situations where those experiences can shine as conversation topics.
But what is more interesting is however, that even the most extroverted people out there, with some financial health and decent amount of free time, seem to avoid such events. The most common reason overheard is just how unproductive they feel the events can be. The idea of deliberately expending energy to "get to know people on a deeper level," to them, just feel unaccomplishable in such a setting, given just how superficial and brief each conversation can be. Even if interesting people are around, the low quality of interactions means meeting them once often do not lead much more more than just that.
Such attitude, doubting the productiveness of meeting strangers, often is a self-fulfilling prophecy. People go into social events expecting conversations to be mundane, and hence do not put much energy into being creative with the conversations. When a critical mass among the participants display their lack of enthusiasm, the conversations will no doubt by lackluster in general. People simply ask the routine questions of names, jobs, and hometowns, before acknowledging the presence of each other and move on. Repeated dozens of times throughout a night and no wonder people feel such occasions are unproductive.
But the fact of the matter is that everyone in any social event is bound to have some interesting stories to tell, even stemming from their names, jobs, and hometowns. For travelers, foreigners talking about their hometowns can open up conversations on where are they best sights and foods of the area, region, or country. And for business networkers, talking about jobs can be greatly supplemented by details on the conditions of the workplace, the nature of the industry, and even attitude toward bosses. The success of the conversations rely on following up well to even the most mundane of the topics.
Here, having plenty of experiences, both in terms of holding conversations and in life helps much. To have traveled to different lands and held different jobs mean that no matter what the topic of conversation end up becoming, one can always fall back a set of knowledge based on personal experiences. If meeting a person from another country, having been or lived in that country is a great way to quickly build camaraderie when there seem to be nothing shared in common. The pains of a particular job another person speaks of just seem so much more realistic when one also experienced similar situations in a related industry.
And then one will be able to rely on experiences in holding conversations with strangers to make those life experiences count. By holding conversations with hundreds of people (whether the conversations turn out to be great or not so great), one gradually learn to keep the conversations going strong, not for the sake of persistence but genuine interests of everyone involved. Those who are experienced at talking know when to make jokes, what to talk about, and when to shut up or follow up, just so that everyone can learn something naturally all the while being entertained but not offended.
The truth is, in any social event involving complete strangers, it is generally the people with superior life and social experiences that end up being the most productive. The events, for them, become highly productive for them in their being able to continue honing their skills at talking, while they are much more capable of creating high quality conversations that enable them to gain more knowledge and/or business connections in the process. They create a virtuous cycle in which more attendance give them more motivation to attend more events, engaging them with more people for their own benefits.
Perhaps the author's personal experience in social events in Tokyo can be illustrative. Some six years ago when he lived in Tokyo as a salaryman, he was straight out of school in a small town and had little social experience outside the first job. There simply was little to speak about in conversations with strangers. But six years later, after working in six or seven other countries and traveling to dozens, there are just plenty of materials to interest even the least enthusiastic of bystanders. Gaining life experiences can directly create social confidence in ways that one may not even realize until being thrusted into situations where those experiences can shine as conversation topics.
Comments
Post a Comment