Chicken Soup for the Lonely Foreign Soul: An Asian Guide for Non-Asian Guys to Hunt down Girls of East Asian Origin

When it comes to understanding the everyday social mentality of East Asians, your writer ashamedly bills himself as a leading grassroots expert.  After five years in China, seven years in Japan, half year each in Korea and Malaysia, one would learn to make out some trends and generalizations about people there.  And after ten years in the US, one in UK, and a few months in Australia, one begins to see how such trends and generalizations are continued or discontinued when the Asians move into a Western environment.

And foremost among the observation of Asian people involve, what else, women.  To call it an "understatement" would be an understatement by itself when we say East Asian women, whether they are in or outside Asia, are different from women of other races.  They are, by all means, a completely different animal that requires separate perspective based on separate cultural reference points to be even partially understood.  Attempting to romance an East Asian woman is a daunting task even for someone who grew up in exactly the same environment as they did.

Yet, in the past few years, the world has seen an emergence of an increasingly sophisticated, persistent, and enthusiastic class of non-East Asian guys focusing exclusively on East Asian women, not just hunting them down for one-night stands or paying for their "services" as they would do in a regular R&R trip to a sketchy spot in Asia, but getting to know them in a deep socio-cultural way.  For that, the writer, as an East Asian, rather than the resentment of competition as many others of his color and creed displays, instead feels the utmost respect for cross-cultural pollination.

But, as previously mentioned, the East Asian woman, as a collective, is a unique set of creatures that anyone who encounter them will struggle to understand, and this will especially be true for those completely foreign to their culture.  The writer, as a self-crowned "expert" on East Asia, will offer a few brief advice on "dealing with" them romantically, based largely on personal observations, that maybe those brave foreign souls may keep in mind as they intrepidly continue to tread those dangerous, trap-filled waters...

(1) True feelings are conveyed with words that are NOT said and actions that are NOT executed.  On day, you find yourself at a friend's party, in a corner face-to-face with just you and this cute Asian girl you always had a crash on.  Everyone else is engrossed in their own conversations somewhere else, and you both feel slightly tipsy but still conscious enough for small talk after a few drinks.  As if all of the sudden, the girl touched your hand, your arm, your shoulder...and uttered "I think you are really cute..." or "even I think I like you"...

You, the foreign boy madly in what you thought was one-sided love now sees a bright light at the end of the tunnel.  Months, years of wait seem to be over.  She has come to her senses, and my international good-look has found its beautiful Asian audience....emmm, wrong.  Your typical Asian girl would not profess her love (坦白, 告白, 고백) blatantly in a rowdy, non-private environment (even if no one else is listening) even if she do not think the guy should be the one taking the initial lead.  It was alcohol.politeness talking.  If the girl was serious, she is probably not the Asian girl you are looking for.  

(2) Do not let the mesmerizing (or some would say, seductive) smile, make-up, or clothing make you feel "special."  You find yourself more and more in love with this girl who goes perfectionist on looks and behavior not just those big public parties but also the mundane everyday tasks of going to classes, lunch, or afternoon coffee, or just whenever you are present.  You feel that she is trying to look her best just for you, so that she feels good about herself getting your attention.  After all, you think for some of the situations that you meet her, that sort of perfectionism is simply ridiculously unnecessary.

Yes, that excess focus on visual beauty maybe unnecessary for girls of other races, but Asian girls grow up in an environment where competition for beauty is an everyday, every-moment phenomenon.  Even if they live outside East proper, where plastic surgery is rampant, they are still expected by their own parents, relatives back in East Asia, and males (both of and not of Asian origin) to fit into the stereotype of spotlessly pure innocent beauty.  Some growing up in the West will ignore this pressure, but many will stick by it, leading to a high standard of visual perfectionism...not catered to you.

(3) Most importantly, do not think you are special or not special just because you are foreign.  Yes, many Asians, including girls, are very much racist, but that racism should not hold much beyond the first impressions.  Asians, both guys and girls, appreciate the different viewpoints that non-Asians bring to their lives, and even if they do not like the different viewpoints, they will still be amused by them much more than foreigners desperately trying to show up how knowledgeable about Asia just to impress the Asians into thinking that they are dealing with "one of their own."

Asians do not expect or have desire for non-Asians for becoming Asian, as their belief in their own cultural exceptionalism is very much present even in today's globalized world.  Perhaps, in that way, they are not very different from Westerners.  In that way, it may be extremely comforting for the lonely foreign soul targeting Asians exclusively to know that, yes, there are plenty of Asian girls who are willing to take the plunge and give you a shot.  But unless you understand the basics of how they think and behave, that shot would not mean much in the long term....