As Ideals Disappears, What is Left in the Mind?
Three weeks into classes, and it seems like the level of stress among the newly enrolled graduate students are reaching its first peak. No. It is not because of the hundreds of pages assigned to read for weekly discussion seminars. The reading lists, so far, have been largely neglected by the students, who instead, have been busy wondering around the exhibition rooms of the LSE and various high end luxury hotels of central London. Ubiquitously, they spot freshly ironed suits, their newly purchased LSE decorated folders, and, most prominently, an unchanging anxious facial expression.
The biggest event of the school year, the great hunt of post-graduation employment, is already underway among a population that has barely gotten used to the life of a studying "academic" here in London. Oddly, even the professors seem to have accepted such a phenomenon as a "necessary evil" distracting students from course contents. My person 5-minute chat with my adviser in the comfortable academic confines of his office quickly diverged from my "main interests in academic research" to my post-graduation plans to a simple advice of "you better hurry up with your job search."
For some reason, I thought grad school is going to be different from the undergrad years. People I met in the first week were indeed full of optimism, hope, and ideals. They spoke of creating new theories of social sciences, and using their logic and innovative academic ideas to change the world, to rid its problems, and to help its people. Yet, a mere two weeks later, it feels as if they were all silenced...and some even completely disappeared. Locked in on their minds are no longer how they will better the world, but how they can somehow make ends meet when September 2012 rolls around.
Sadly enough, as the anxiety of joblessness spreads, the atmosphere on the campus harked back to those very few last months of senior year in undergrad studies. People are looking to each other as sworn enemies, rivals threatening to take away their livelihoods in a global economy still plagued by pessimism of continued economic downturn and rumored high unemployment. No longer do people care to have a friendly random chat with a stranger. Often, the conversation jump straight into the complaints about "how tough the world is."
Talk about the "maturity" of the grad students, as we all have been so fantasized into believing as undergrads with little social experiences. The grad students, to us at the time, even without job or job prospects, were supposed to beyond mundane worries. They, in a way in our illusions, are supposed to be sort of like monks in a monastery. They devoted their lives to concentrated studies and research, sacrificing desires for excessive material wealth, and without any carnal vices of greed...
The ideals of us, the fresh wannabe grad students, attempting to live an extended stereotype, faced a quick demise. People are no longer "too lowly" for attending dozens of employer presentation by investment banks and consultancies over the course of couple of weeks. Saving ourselves, financially, mentally, and physically, is definitely taking up the priority, and those precious goals of "saving others" can quietly take its well-deserved place at the very bottom of the "to-do" list in life.
But, eh, it is just too shameless for any of us to simply abandon those lofty ideals, still so well reflected in our program titles and course names in manners as "Humanitarian Emergencies" or "Development Studies." Some of us, myself included, gave up way too much practical benefits of stable salaries and work to seek this "happier" and more "morally satisfying" alternative. The continued existence of such obligatory sense of morality, unfortunately, can only cause more unwanted pressure in an already prevalent feel of gloominess.
Of course, there is always a mad rush of the people to rationalize their behaviors. "Got to get corporate experience first before moving into humanitarian work" (wow, where have I heard of this one before?) and "I need to get the returns for my massive investment in grad school" have already become acceptable excuses for "practicality." Yet, underneath all that justification, the words of one guy I met, "I am regretting a bit about the decision I took to come here" may be the one that ultimately shines through.
The biggest event of the school year, the great hunt of post-graduation employment, is already underway among a population that has barely gotten used to the life of a studying "academic" here in London. Oddly, even the professors seem to have accepted such a phenomenon as a "necessary evil" distracting students from course contents. My person 5-minute chat with my adviser in the comfortable academic confines of his office quickly diverged from my "main interests in academic research" to my post-graduation plans to a simple advice of "you better hurry up with your job search."
For some reason, I thought grad school is going to be different from the undergrad years. People I met in the first week were indeed full of optimism, hope, and ideals. They spoke of creating new theories of social sciences, and using their logic and innovative academic ideas to change the world, to rid its problems, and to help its people. Yet, a mere two weeks later, it feels as if they were all silenced...and some even completely disappeared. Locked in on their minds are no longer how they will better the world, but how they can somehow make ends meet when September 2012 rolls around.
Sadly enough, as the anxiety of joblessness spreads, the atmosphere on the campus harked back to those very few last months of senior year in undergrad studies. People are looking to each other as sworn enemies, rivals threatening to take away their livelihoods in a global economy still plagued by pessimism of continued economic downturn and rumored high unemployment. No longer do people care to have a friendly random chat with a stranger. Often, the conversation jump straight into the complaints about "how tough the world is."
Talk about the "maturity" of the grad students, as we all have been so fantasized into believing as undergrads with little social experiences. The grad students, to us at the time, even without job or job prospects, were supposed to beyond mundane worries. They, in a way in our illusions, are supposed to be sort of like monks in a monastery. They devoted their lives to concentrated studies and research, sacrificing desires for excessive material wealth, and without any carnal vices of greed...
The ideals of us, the fresh wannabe grad students, attempting to live an extended stereotype, faced a quick demise. People are no longer "too lowly" for attending dozens of employer presentation by investment banks and consultancies over the course of couple of weeks. Saving ourselves, financially, mentally, and physically, is definitely taking up the priority, and those precious goals of "saving others" can quietly take its well-deserved place at the very bottom of the "to-do" list in life.
But, eh, it is just too shameless for any of us to simply abandon those lofty ideals, still so well reflected in our program titles and course names in manners as "Humanitarian Emergencies" or "Development Studies." Some of us, myself included, gave up way too much practical benefits of stable salaries and work to seek this "happier" and more "morally satisfying" alternative. The continued existence of such obligatory sense of morality, unfortunately, can only cause more unwanted pressure in an already prevalent feel of gloominess.
Of course, there is always a mad rush of the people to rationalize their behaviors. "Got to get corporate experience first before moving into humanitarian work" (wow, where have I heard of this one before?) and "I need to get the returns for my massive investment in grad school" have already become acceptable excuses for "practicality." Yet, underneath all that justification, the words of one guy I met, "I am regretting a bit about the decision I took to come here" may be the one that ultimately shines through.
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