The Maltese Food Scene Excels on Quantity

I recently noticed that there is something that I have begun to do without fail every time I travel to mainland Europe from Malta. Whenever I order anything in a restaurant in the city I visit, I always (secretly, of course) complain about the small portions, barely enough to fill me until the next meal, much less have anything left to take home. Combined with the high prices that almost always define traveling in tourist hotspots, it becomes a foregone conclusion that the meal ends with an expected praise for the Maltese restaurant scene.

If anyone had spoken to me a mere year ago, I would not have been a supporter of the eateries Malta had to offer. It is true that Malta, thanks to the ever-increasing influx of tourists, has an almost endless list of beautifully decorated restaurants, and their clever use of traditional stone interiors is certainly worthy of Instagram shots. But more often than not, these restaurants all serve the same cuisines at similar price points. There is only so much pizza, pasta, burgers, steaks, and fried fish you can eat before concluding that the island is home to gastronomic monotony. 

But having traveled to Sicily, Milan, London, and Rome in a few months, I realized that good restaurants are not just about having high-quality food, but also sufficient quantity. Yes, Italy may have better pasta and pizza. But Malta, thanks to the geographic proximity and a large resident Italian population, is not much worse off in quality for similar prices. That makes the objective measurement of how much is on the plate a deciding factor in evaluating Malta as a better foodie destination than any major Italian city. Granted, an Italian village may have generous portions, but none of Malta's tourist infrastructure.

Malta's ability to beat culinary homelands is even more obvious for British pub grub. Comparing it to London may be inappropriate given the wide disparity in living costs and salaries. However, the massive size of the fish and chips served in Maltese eateries would embarrass the London high street pubs that almost treat the iconic dish as an appetizer. Perhaps there is one reason that the island has so many British pubs, frequented by so many British retirees keen for sun but not willing to give up the taste of home. If a serving of fish and chips can be two meals, pensions can go a much longer way.

Of course, for people not used to consuming copious amounts of food in one setting, dining out in Malta has consequences. Having been thin for years, I find myself struggling with a bulging stomach even with sometimes daily exercise at the gym to work off the fat. Like many of my fellow male gym-goers, I am gradually acquiring a physique that is fundamentally paradoxical: thick neck, arms, and chest that almost feels out of place on top of a round belly with an undeniable muffin top. No amount of crunches and sit-ups seem to alleviate the contradiction.

Yet, for every person struggling with newly concerning weight gain, there is another who seems to become sexier and fitter thanks to eating too much. This is particularly true of the many Maltese and other Caucasian women who frequent the same gym. Their skimpy workout outfit discloses beautifully round hips and breasts that no doubt owe equal gratitude to good genetics and a high-protein-carbs-and-fat diet. With restaurants in Malta piling plenty of cheese and meats even on salads, "eating healthy" can still produce the raw materials for a beautifully thick body.

Yes, Malta is officially the fattest country in Europe. But my fellow gym-goers show that the large portion of fattening food is not purely to blame for the widespread obesity. Should people get out of their cars, walk more, and exercise more frequently, the same ingredients that lead to bulging bellies can also be turned into toned muscles and "good fat" that go to the right places on a sculpted body. So rather than criticizing the eating, it might make more sense to encourage large portions in conjunction with regular workouts, with cheap gym memberships galore.

For the residents of Malta, one thing is certain. Wherever they choose to go for vacations or are, like me, ultimately destined to leave the island permanently, the food will be missed, just like the beautiful sea views and endless sunny days. Maybe the restaurants here do not have enough variety or exotic tastes. But I certainly would not mind paying a good price for the traditional ambiance when I know that I will be greeted with massive plates piled high to the top and that I can always take home what I cannot finish for another meal tomorrow.