Where to Draw the Lines Between the Abstract and Concrete in College Essays?

One thing that this blog does not particularly do well is "specificity." Often, posts start with a concrete event that triggers a line of thinking, but then dive deeper and deeper into the philosophy and values behind the thinking, until the reader is left thinking, at the end of the post, what do the abstract thoughts developed across multiple paragraphs have anything to do with the event that triggered the post in the first place. And too frequently, I am inclined to agree with the readers: as a space to freely jot down my thoughts, the thoughts are prioritized over structure or narrative.

That prioritization of abstract philosophy over concrete storytelling is a symptom I see too often in my current job as an essay mentor for high schoolers seeking a place in America's top colleges. Don't get me wrong, it is great to see these young men and women have opinions on various social issues that they witness in their daily lives. Many of their less ambitious peers simply do not bother to think at all. But in written form, a well-developed thought requires many sentences and paragraphs to elaborate fully, taking limited space away from why exactly are the thoughts being enunciated in the first place. 

Worse yet, the thoughts are often elaborated with the implicit but dangerously erroneous assumption that the intended audience of the writing is somehow familiar and agreeable to the social context in which the thoughts emerge. The lack of self-awareness that true diversity is based not on visual appearance but on fundamental differences in ways of thinking leads to writers simply omitting concrete details. The belief that readers can mentally "fill in the gaps" leads to incomprehension, as readers struggle to reconcile logical jumps between passages that seem to connect completely different stories and thoughts.

While this blog is, again, guilty of such logical jumps, it does occasionally mitigate through trying to spin a consistent example throughout the prose as the visible base of opinionating. Take the example of a recent post on the bankruptcy of WeWork. By referring, repeatedly throughout the post, to the idiosyncrasies of the real estate industry and the hype surrounding WeWork's doubtful promise of upending its human relations-based way of business, the post sought to present an idea that the power of tech has its limits when it comes to revolutionizing traditional, human-centered industries.

In the same way, a good college essay detailing personal beliefs should not just cite a particular concrete example that started the belief, but weave the same example, or at least something related to it, throughout the length of the writing, to show that the development of the belief over time is still grounded in actual events. Readers from different cultural backgrounds can then absorb the details of the same events to make up their own conclusions. By allowing for the discerning of different interpretations of the same events, the idea of diversity in values can be better represented.

On the flip side, not spinning concrete stories in the narrative ensures that the applicant fails to stand out from the crowd. Among the global moneyed elites that almost exclusively make up the international cohort of those aspiring to top American universities, lifestyles, and consequently, ways of thinking can be surprisingly similar across cultural and political boundaries. Just talking about vague philosophical ideas can quickly lead everyone to talk about the same things. Stories, grounded in the local and personal context, are likely the most effective ways to prevent values from being cliches. 

Admittedly, finding that balance between concrete storytelling and the more important need to express one's thinking is not easy. While too much personal philosophy turns off readers with the emptiness of abstract cliches, too much concreteness is also problematic. The last thing applicants want college admissions committees to see them as drones who are simply accepting life's ups and downs without deep thoughts, lacking "intellectual vitality" in college-speak. Striking the balance while ensuring logic flows throughout...it is no wonder that many students struggle.

This blog, at least, has it lucky. With no consequences beyond fewer page impressions and no word limit, it has plenty of space to talk about stories and ideas at will. College admissions are not nearly as lenient. With predetermined topics and sometimes word limits as short as 50 words, making every word count and still answering the prompt is the order of the day. With the pressure of having only a few hundred words in total to summarize 18 years of life into personalities, dreams, and uniqueness, writers need all the help they can get. Hopefully, that is a story they can write about one day.