Unwisely Being Entangled in Office Communications that are, Well, not Purely Work-Related
There are (if you ask some people, outrageously ridiculous-sounding) researches that show a resounding statistics of 65-70% of people having some sort of relationships in their office that is at least somewhat beyond the confines of professional work-related exchanges. But then again, if one spends majority of the day for 5-6 days a week for nearly every single week with the same group of people, it is almost inevitable that some form of amorous feelings develop over time. As humans, most are not immune.
And then there are those who are simply using such interactions with coworkers as a last resort to mating when few alternatives exist. Expat workers in a foreign country, with few friends and acquaintances, are especially prone to going down this path. But of course, as experiences of so many in the past has proven, trying to segway from work-related to recreational and even purely flirtatious conversations proves highly dangerous. From the rumors that will spread to awkwardness when one wrong sentence in those supposedly pleasurable convos turns the relationship sour...it's a minefield.
To that, one can then add on the added layer of complexity involving those local- foreigner relationships, whether work-related or otherwise, are inherently unstable due to guesswork and social distancing based on perceived cultural differences. Bad experiences almost always lead to stereotyping and more distance to an already pretty big social distance... adding so much more discomfort and tension in any office space that is already filled with such due to liberal dosage of office politics. And with hierarchy, there can be dire consequences such as delayed promotions and even job losses.
The author himself has deeply experienced the power of those damages that attempts at work-turned-personal relationships can have on a white-collar professional. And scarily enough, he often consider it one of many reasons he was forced to leave Rakuten. Yet, less than three years later, he is giving it another try, dismissing past failures in Japan as basically "naivete of a still maturing young man at the time." Somehow he was convinced that since then, with more work and travels in different countries and a Master's degree under his belt, he can easily handle that minefield.
Reality quickly proved such confidence to be entirely misplaced and unfounded. Conversations that segwayed from casual jokes over regular work-related tasks, transformed into texting back-and-forth, very very quickly directed themselves downward to a bottomless abyss featuring an endless cycle of "shit, I shouldn't have said that" and "I better stop this now before it gets any worse...but let me try saying something else to save the whole thing." Trying to feel for the bottomline of an "adversary" at the end of an email, a Skype message, or a SMS quickly lost all control and...lost all bottomline.
Perhaps the fundamental issue to make for that bottomline searching so difficult is that, for many, their presence and character during work hours and off work hours can be entirely different. Because of such, many want to avoid reverting to their "work selves" outside of work as much as possible. And it is fundamentally hard to do so while talking to a coworker, even if it really is not at all about any work-related things. The massive gap between work and personal cannot be reconciled, forcing a short-term identity crisis when receiving that rather abnormally flirtatious text from a coworker.
Honestly, the author himself is probably as guilty as anyone in the company when it comes to creating this gap. As the Vice President of Operations, nominally the second-in-command of the largest department in the entire company, seriousness does need to step up, as a measure of showing others that this man "indeed means business" and that "he can handle crises that will definitely crop up from time to time." But being that serious all the time is humanly impossible, and behind that title and outside the office, he is like any other young man in a foreign country, struggling to find himself.
As he knows now, this was true then in Japan as it is now in Manila. Being thrown in different environment does not allow one to understand all cultures or all environments better. Instead, in such desperation to understand, to be accepted, and to assimilate, at least partially and superficially, one would inevitably make social blunders. It is certainly unwise to use coworkers, no matter how attractive or how easily commutable (at least from a work perspective) to be used as experimental guinea pigs to test potentials of blunders...
And then there are those who are simply using such interactions with coworkers as a last resort to mating when few alternatives exist. Expat workers in a foreign country, with few friends and acquaintances, are especially prone to going down this path. But of course, as experiences of so many in the past has proven, trying to segway from work-related to recreational and even purely flirtatious conversations proves highly dangerous. From the rumors that will spread to awkwardness when one wrong sentence in those supposedly pleasurable convos turns the relationship sour...it's a minefield.
To that, one can then add on the added layer of complexity involving those local- foreigner relationships, whether work-related or otherwise, are inherently unstable due to guesswork and social distancing based on perceived cultural differences. Bad experiences almost always lead to stereotyping and more distance to an already pretty big social distance... adding so much more discomfort and tension in any office space that is already filled with such due to liberal dosage of office politics. And with hierarchy, there can be dire consequences such as delayed promotions and even job losses.
The author himself has deeply experienced the power of those damages that attempts at work-turned-personal relationships can have on a white-collar professional. And scarily enough, he often consider it one of many reasons he was forced to leave Rakuten. Yet, less than three years later, he is giving it another try, dismissing past failures in Japan as basically "naivete of a still maturing young man at the time." Somehow he was convinced that since then, with more work and travels in different countries and a Master's degree under his belt, he can easily handle that minefield.
Reality quickly proved such confidence to be entirely misplaced and unfounded. Conversations that segwayed from casual jokes over regular work-related tasks, transformed into texting back-and-forth, very very quickly directed themselves downward to a bottomless abyss featuring an endless cycle of "shit, I shouldn't have said that" and "I better stop this now before it gets any worse...but let me try saying something else to save the whole thing." Trying to feel for the bottomline of an "adversary" at the end of an email, a Skype message, or a SMS quickly lost all control and...lost all bottomline.
Perhaps the fundamental issue to make for that bottomline searching so difficult is that, for many, their presence and character during work hours and off work hours can be entirely different. Because of such, many want to avoid reverting to their "work selves" outside of work as much as possible. And it is fundamentally hard to do so while talking to a coworker, even if it really is not at all about any work-related things. The massive gap between work and personal cannot be reconciled, forcing a short-term identity crisis when receiving that rather abnormally flirtatious text from a coworker.
Honestly, the author himself is probably as guilty as anyone in the company when it comes to creating this gap. As the Vice President of Operations, nominally the second-in-command of the largest department in the entire company, seriousness does need to step up, as a measure of showing others that this man "indeed means business" and that "he can handle crises that will definitely crop up from time to time." But being that serious all the time is humanly impossible, and behind that title and outside the office, he is like any other young man in a foreign country, struggling to find himself.
As he knows now, this was true then in Japan as it is now in Manila. Being thrown in different environment does not allow one to understand all cultures or all environments better. Instead, in such desperation to understand, to be accepted, and to assimilate, at least partially and superficially, one would inevitably make social blunders. It is certainly unwise to use coworkers, no matter how attractive or how easily commutable (at least from a work perspective) to be used as experimental guinea pigs to test potentials of blunders...
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