I have to be honest: I have always been a very shy person. Right, it certainly does not seem like it now, but because I spent so much of my life moving around the world (average of about one new place every two years), the impossibility of developing long-term stable friendships eventually become a sort of hidden inferiority complex. It has been a personal habit of mine to not really aggressively "sell" myself to others since I would move away soon and potentially never see the people I met again anyways.
With such an inferiority complex larking underneath, it is no surprise that over time, I develop a highly proud and often arrogant way of presenting myself to others. Professing to be truly "worldly" and not entangled (or even remotely interested) in those little up-and-down emotional relationships among individuals, I often take a self-isolating stance to meeting others. Not meeting others and connecting with them deeply is the best way to prevent unnecessary emotional damages from having to leave people whom I do really come to like and love.
Yes, I kept telling myself that I am not meeting certain people because I am too proud to bring myself down to a certain level, not because I am shy and afraid of rejection. Most of the time, it has worked pretty well. As I travel the world, my sense of detachment from each locality has won me some (at least superficial) admiration. And by just mixing in enough intimation as I interact superficially with a sense of being a third-person observer, equally superficial acquaintances are created and maintained.
But this whole model of meeting people can only be effective when I am meeting people based on the premise that I will move to some other place far far away. The way I behave certainly does not inspire people to deepen friendship, and I certainly expect to meet many "friends of friends" when the resulting "friendships" are so superficial. At some point, I just simply run out of people whom I can meet through other people, forcing me to move to another place just to increase the number of acquaintances.
And in an age of SNS, keep track of massive number of people met in different places in different time has been just so much easier. I cant just register people on Facebook, not talk to them for years at a time, and when I go to new place and need some connections again, meet up with people in those locations now, and start again there. Classic exchange of benefits, and perfect for dealing with people met in hostels.
And now, with perhaps less than a month left in Japan, it is time again for me to reconsider the merit of meeting people in such a "quantity-over-quality" fashion. And it was just perfect timing that I had the opportunity to meet a bunch of new people over the weekend, both inside and outside Rakuten through my colleagues at the company. And interesting enough that some of the conversations I had with the people I met was about how to meet with more people.
I held steadfast to my view that intimate friendships are not important if the number of people met are big enough. Yet, the sights I am seeing at these events I went to, whether it was a drunken all-night clubbing event with coworkers (reminds of my last time doing that), a company BBQ, or a little house party with random people, is people frantically exchanging cards, numbers, and other forms of business contacts.
Viewing people trying to use intimacy to increase their local connections (that they will no doubt use later on both for business and entertainment), I am more and more in doubt whether my own philosophy about meeting people is actually correct. After all, I cannot be expected to move my entire life once every few months or so (although I really do want to nowdays), eventually I will have to get over my shyness and resulting pride to become a normal member of a local society somewhere. Thus, meeting people intimately is definitely something I should work on...
With such an inferiority complex larking underneath, it is no surprise that over time, I develop a highly proud and often arrogant way of presenting myself to others. Professing to be truly "worldly" and not entangled (or even remotely interested) in those little up-and-down emotional relationships among individuals, I often take a self-isolating stance to meeting others. Not meeting others and connecting with them deeply is the best way to prevent unnecessary emotional damages from having to leave people whom I do really come to like and love.
Yes, I kept telling myself that I am not meeting certain people because I am too proud to bring myself down to a certain level, not because I am shy and afraid of rejection. Most of the time, it has worked pretty well. As I travel the world, my sense of detachment from each locality has won me some (at least superficial) admiration. And by just mixing in enough intimation as I interact superficially with a sense of being a third-person observer, equally superficial acquaintances are created and maintained.
But this whole model of meeting people can only be effective when I am meeting people based on the premise that I will move to some other place far far away. The way I behave certainly does not inspire people to deepen friendship, and I certainly expect to meet many "friends of friends" when the resulting "friendships" are so superficial. At some point, I just simply run out of people whom I can meet through other people, forcing me to move to another place just to increase the number of acquaintances.
And in an age of SNS, keep track of massive number of people met in different places in different time has been just so much easier. I cant just register people on Facebook, not talk to them for years at a time, and when I go to new place and need some connections again, meet up with people in those locations now, and start again there. Classic exchange of benefits, and perfect for dealing with people met in hostels.
And now, with perhaps less than a month left in Japan, it is time again for me to reconsider the merit of meeting people in such a "quantity-over-quality" fashion. And it was just perfect timing that I had the opportunity to meet a bunch of new people over the weekend, both inside and outside Rakuten through my colleagues at the company. And interesting enough that some of the conversations I had with the people I met was about how to meet with more people.
I held steadfast to my view that intimate friendships are not important if the number of people met are big enough. Yet, the sights I am seeing at these events I went to, whether it was a drunken all-night clubbing event with coworkers (reminds of my last time doing that), a company BBQ, or a little house party with random people, is people frantically exchanging cards, numbers, and other forms of business contacts.
Viewing people trying to use intimacy to increase their local connections (that they will no doubt use later on both for business and entertainment), I am more and more in doubt whether my own philosophy about meeting people is actually correct. After all, I cannot be expected to move my entire life once every few months or so (although I really do want to nowdays), eventually I will have to get over my shyness and resulting pride to become a normal member of a local society somewhere. Thus, meeting people intimately is definitely something I should work on...
Comments
Post a Comment