Realizing that I am Something Called an "Otrovert"

For years, I struggled with fitting in at different organizations, whether it be school, workplace, or just groups of friends. It is not that I could not function within them. As needed, I could communicate with coworkers to get projects done, chit-chat with friends to share life updates, and adhere to rules that lead to concrete results, whether it be graduation or promotion. But more often than not, these actions felt less driven by intrinsic motivation to better belong through crafting more shared goals and tighter personal relationships, but just obligations to maintain memberships.

And for years, I saw the lack of belonging as a fundamental flaw that held back my further development. Promotions are reserved for those who are capable of leadership, infusing others with passion through effective communication, so that the group members are in sync while moving toward common goals. Those who make the effort to network with more groups develop the social capital needed to seek out new, more lucrative opportunities, ensuring personal development elsewhere when the status quo no longer provides. Not caring for the group, whatever it may be, is a sign of stagnation.

It is with that sense of anxiety in mind that I came across the concept of otrovert, coined by Dr. Rami Kaminski in his book The Gift of Not Belonging. Kaminski, curious about his own upbringing, of not enjoying birthday parties, playing with others in the playground, and other fun group activities, saw a gap within the traditional narrative that only saw people in the spectrum of introverts and extroverts. This spectrum assumed that everyone ultimately wanted to belong, but the difference arose only in their interface with the groups themselves.

But what if people did not care for belonging in the first place? Kaminski's studies discovered that the rigid assumption that belonging is fundamentally good and necessary has made the lives of otroverts like him so much more difficult than mere "shyness." To avoid being labelled as anything from unenthusiastic to psychopathic, otroverts had to resort to pseudo-extroversion, pretending to be outgoing in groups that they care little about. While introverts are drained by the need to communicate, otroverts are drained by the sheer emptiness and lack of purpose that accompanies their performative communication.

While listing out the pains otroverts feel in a society built through belonging in groups, Kaminski is also at pains to point out that there are concrete benefits for being an otrovert. Genuinely not caring to belong makes otroverts immune to groupthink, allowing them to extricate themselves from the biases and unfounded assumptions that often underpin group identities. The result is a more innovative spirit, as otroverts become more able and willing to come up with ideas that go against group norms, because they don't mind being socially ostracized.

Unfortunately, it is not a very convincing argument. One can reasonably say that innovative ideas could possibly be an individual effort. But even in the age of increasingly capable AI tools, turning those ideas into real products and services to generate revenue and improve lives still requires more than the effort of one person. If an otrovert seeks success as an innovator, they still need to, at some point, build teams around ideas that they crafted out of disdain for groups. The ironic paradox would limit the real-world impact of any innovation otroverts can come up with.

That is not to say that otroverts are doomed in the world of work. The world is steadily moving toward a gig economy, where even the biggest organizations are creating a large number of "disposable" roles to cut down on operating costs. With even long-tenured employees uncertain as to whether their jobs may be cut or replaced by AI in the coming years, the very idea of investing in relationship-building within the organization starts to become less sensible. With more remote work and less job security, otroverts can find their professional place amidst the growing precarity.

And as otroverts navigate this new world of work, perhaps they no longer need to hide their indifference toward belonging. Instead, their belief that groups are ultimately meaningless is being vindicated and validated. Sure, schools, families, friends, and companies will all continue to exist. But in a world that has, in just a few years, been roiled by a pandemic, a technological boom, and a global trade war, perhaps everyone can be a bit more unsentimental like the otroverts and learn to look out for ourselves more. How about that for an innovative idea?