Setting Low Expectation for Self as the First Step for Setting Low Expectation for Others

The railway station was certainly a nondescript one. A little hallway straddling the railway leads to a flight of stairs opening up to a small traffic circle. Besides the station itself, there is a small park and a few late-night eateries and bank outlets. Nothing out of the ordinary for a very provincial town a good half an hour away by the slow train from the nearest big city. However, on the curbside is a small bus stand, equally nondescript, that advertises a once-every-half-an-hour service to an outlet mall on the outskirts of this nondescript town. That's where I met the Taiwanese couple.

There is a stereotypical reason that foreigners would find themselves in such an out-of-the-way location in Japan. An outlet mall is a collection of brand-name stores that peddle their wares for discounted prices, based on cheaper rent and a limited selection of out-of-season and out-of-production inventories. For bargain hunters keen to get their hands on high-quality brand-name goods, going to one is a no-brainer. But this particular outlet mall is by no means the only one. Plenty more with better access to Tokyo and other metropolitan areas where foreigners in Japan congregate can be found.

Speaking to the Taiwanese later, I came to realize that they were also well aware of the out-of-the-way nature of their journey. Speaking little Japanese, they found themselves unable to communicate with the bus driver to figure out just how the bus fare payment worked. Not that they were particularly irritated by their own confusion. Speaking of their recent arrival in the country, they fully acknowledged that their first weekend outing in Japan would not be smooth sailing. If anything, it is a pleasant surprise that they were able to find someone who can act as the interpreter in their hour of confusion. 

Even more interestingly, another Taiwanese couple was on the same bus. On the last day of a week-long trip in Japan, they were carrying large suitcases on the way to a night-time flight back to Taiwan. Somehow, they decided to take a detour to the outlet mall in their last few hours in Japan. Just as confused as the other Taiwanese couple, they nonetheless remained very cheerful as they questioned me about just how long they needed to be at the airport for the check-in process. While hoping to maximize their shopping time at the outlet mall, they still admitted that they harbored no belief in getting much done. 

Both couples displayed a candid lack of expectations for themselves and the situation that they got themselves into. Yes, they are expecting a good journey to the outlet mall, hoping to get there at some point and be able to do some shopping, but their bar for "good" has been set quite low. Neither the inability to communicate with the bus driver nor the very real possibility of missing a flight in a few hours has put them off the idea of going somewhere really out of the way. It is an adventure with little expectation of achieving much in terms of concrete goals.

Their low expectations for themselves serve as a great reference for how to approach the unknown. Whether it is handling a trip to a brand-new place or communicating with brand-new people, expecting yourself to be lost and confused can go a long way in maintaining a healthy state of mind as things awry in the process. And by seeing yourself as the expected source of problems, you can ensure that any frustration is not taken out on others, or frankly, yourself, when things do not go as smoothly as they might under more mundane circumstances.

Indeed, setting low expectations can help redefine the very idea of what circumstances can be considered "mundane." If everyone adheres to Murphy's law of everything that can go wrong will go wrong, then the constant emergence of new and continuing problems will be what constitutes normalcy. Like the Taiwanese couples on the bus, expecting themselves to be lost and late from the get-go will eliminate any reason to complain about how a language barrier with the bus driver is a massive blocker to their enjoying their day at the mall.

The need to carry low expectations for the self is a lesson I need to carry into my work in speaking with different people about differing circumstances. Certain self-expectations on the job, including that the sales guy would not be particularly well-regarded and thus dismissed both during and after conversations, would minimize frustrations during conversations. And with fewer frustrations, there would be little reason to expect others to somehow help alleviate those frustrations. Like the Taiwanese couples on the bus, it is best just to enjoy the ride, no matter what bumps come along the way.